Friday, May 06, 2011

The Depression roller coaster

Some days. I mean it. Some days my anxiety level goes up and down like a roller coaster, and my stomach feels like it rode one, too. Yesterday, for example:

Woke late, with sinus headache, after nightmares: high
I know better than to go back to bed when I wake near my regular time. I don't know what possessed me to go back to bed, but I paid dearly for it.

Drank coffee, concentrated on data entry for local politicos: med. high
Sinus headache started easing, but still painful; entering data is a tedious job, but it feels good to make a contribution. I kept thinking, though, about how I wouldn't be able to keep up the volunteer work when school starts. School - now that's another nightmare.

Showered, employed Neti Pot (apologies for that image): improvement. Lowered pain & anxiety
Between Neti and the steam from the shower, sinus headache finally eased significantly.

Lunch, noon news: low, somewhat relaxed
No news may be good news, but I still like to check in mid-day for the Ag Report. Just kidding. My favorite segment is really the PetSaver.

Ran errands to pharmacy & credit union: anxiety rising
Staff meeting looming at my new school; almost forgot to use my own bag at the pharmacy, I was that distracted.

Sent daughter to vet with rabbit: medium anxiety (routine visit)
But she was driving my minivan with the rabbit cage in the backseat, and paying with my debit card. Okay, I shouldn't worry. So I didn't. Much.

Killed time before staff meeting: anxiety rising higher and higher
This was my first staff meeting at my new school, my first staff meeting since going on medical leave. I was manufacturing stomach acid by the quart, if not the gallon.

Attended staff meeting: anxiety high, but stable
Introduced myself to new principal, participated in reconfiguration routine (don't ask, it's a routine procedure, but wickedly stressful for those changing grade levels).

The roller coaster analogy came to me as I put up my umbrella and walked the short distance home. My heart was still pounding, but my mind was listing all the reasons this was a good move for me. Good coworkers, escaping the bullies at my previous school, heading into a positive change. Maybe. Hopefully. Stomach acid subsided, and I went to meet a friend for soup and salad at our favorite family restaurant.

Then the anxiety level went up suddenly as I plugged in my laptop and the cord began sparking and smoking at a spot that had been spliced. Aargh!

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Blogger Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That must be exhausting, to experience those extremes so regularly.

5/06/2011 1:51 PM  
Blogger Earth Muffin said...

Good luck at the new school. I hope this is a great new adventure for you!

5/06/2011 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It upsets me so much to think of the time teachers spend controlling bullies in their classroom, and then those same teachers can be bullied by colleagues.

Daisy, do teachers that are bullies-- control students that are bullies? Do teachers that are bullies to colleagues also bully students?

Has their been studies that can tell us if bullied children learn to read as well? I think we know the answer.

5/06/2011 6:01 PM  

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