Monday, April 18, 2011

Relapse, again

It's a marathon, not a sprint. It's a long term commitment, this recovery from depression, because depression isn't like the common cold or even influenza. It's not like a sprain or a break that can be splinted and healed over time. Recovery from is slow but steady (remember the tortoise vs. the hare?) and may consist of two steps forward, one step back.

The times that are toughest are the times when I feel like I'm making one step forward, two steps back. Those are the days that the dark cloud hovers, never rises, never moves away. Harry Potter fans? It's like a dementor undeterred by my patronus charm.

I felt improvement - I did! I felt like between the medicines, the rest, and the therapy, I was getting somewhere. In fact, I know I was. Feeling more energetic, getting excited about events in the world (Super Bowl!), and smiling and even laughing more often. Then suddenly and unexpectedly, I was back to square one. Two naps a day, difficulty waking up, pounding headaches, no motivation.

Doc tweaked the medicines slightly. Then he added another one. Next? Internal attitude adjustment. Personal effort. It's my health, after all, and my responsibility. On that note, I made another therapy appointment. If only the effort didn't take so much energy....


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Blogger Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I cannot imagine. And I'll wager the weather isn't helping a whit. Take care, Daisy.

4/18/2011 8:50 AM  
Blogger Liberty Rose said...

Oh Daisy. I am so sorry. Have you had a thorough physical? Thyroid check?

Oh who am I kidding? Years and years in a very toxic work environment have just about killed us both. All I can tell you is that I am out of it for 18 months and am a bit more functional, less filled with dread, and I am questioning my validity and self worth less.

We need to form a support group. Never mind. I don't have the energy.

4/18/2011 11:26 AM  
Blogger The Dutch Girl said...

I am so sorry to read you have go through this. And I really hope your therapy appointment goes better than the last one.

Thank you for visit to the Northwoods, Daisy.


4/19/2011 12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Both my husband and I cope with a lesser version of your situation.
According to the doctor, we work above it. All very well, but it's still there, poisoning us.
Hang in there. Here's my mantra: Be of good cheer.

4/20/2011 9:12 AM  

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