Sunday, September 28, 2008

Box Tops for Bail Outs! Of course!

Note: prepare for major snarkiness and a significant dose of sarcasm.

(Actual letter to the editor)

"It seems that The (insert local newspaper name here) could provide an extremely valuable service to the schools and communities by placing a reminder every week on the front of the paper for everyone in the Fox Valley to save the "Box Tops for Education" that come on so many grocery items. If everyone saved all the box tops that are in their house and turned them in, the schools could make thousands of dollars and help alleviate the budget pressures. Save all your box tops, help the schools, and you won't have to listen to all the budget debate. And it doesn't cost anyone anything extra. Just cut the box tops you already have."


I was momentarily speechless. Then I nearly snorted coffee out my nose as I laughed out loud, even as my blood pressure rose. This is the solution? Box tops! Of course!


If Box Tops will solve the school budget crunch, what about Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac? Washington Mutual? And more? Box Tops for Bail Outs! Of course!! Buy enough cereal and granola bars, and those golden parachute executive packages will be fully funded.
$700 billion bail out? Cut out your box tops! Can't you see it? Treasury SEcretary Henry Paulson goes down on one knee to beg for...more box tops!!
McCain won't have to suspend campaigning (not that he really did) and back out of a scheduled debate. No one in Washington will need him: Box Tops are the answer!!
The so-called Government Accountability Office (an oxymoron if I've ever heard one) will be able to solve all the issue by recommending a trip to the grocery store! Grocery stores will then thrive as their customers flock to the aisles with the brand name items that carry the economic magic of Box Tops for Bail Outs. It's a win-win!!

Meanwhile, my classroom windows still don't open and close properly, the pencil sharpener doesn't work, our school office can't afford another shipment of copy paper, and the state funding formula is still a wreck. Maybe I need to rethink this Box Tops for Bail Outs idea, and keep those pennies for my school. After all, if the economy is fundamentally sound, the BigWigs in charge of finance really don't need the help, do they?

Do they?

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4 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

You crack me up!! Saving the world 10 cents at a time. PERFECT :)

9/28/2008 10:28 AM  
Blogger womaninawindow said...

Like a swift fell from an axe, your sarcasm fell exactly where it should have. Whack! I'm afraid if anyone had anything sticking out they might have lost it!

9/28/2008 10:07 PM  
Blogger Club 166 said...

"Government Accounability Office" ranks right up there with "Congressional Ethics Committee".

I was really disappointed that neither McCain nor Obama took on the budget crisis head on during the debate. I guess both have decided that it's a third rail (like social security) that neither wants to touch.

Joe

9/29/2008 8:55 AM  
Anonymous All Rileyed Up said...

Why did they publish this letter?Was there a shortage of good letters to the editor?

Let's also not forget the Albertson's Community Service Cards. Just think how much money the govt would earn if every time you shopped at Albertson's, they donated 1 percent of your expenses, minus alcohol, cigarettes, and milk.

9/30/2008 12:08 PM  

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