Sunday, August 17, 2008

Serenity or shoulds are once again bogus

Husband's parents should move into a more accessible apartment.
Reality: FIL can't handle moving chores physically, MIL remains in denial and won't take any action until he "recovers."
End result: Husband and his brother will end up shouldering the emotional burden while brother's wife and I help out with the practical end of things.

The 'rents should take the initiative and sign the papers on the senior condo.
Reality: Their denial has kept them from acting.
End result: We'll have to confront them directly.

The parental units, as the situation gets more and more dicey, should prepare power of attorney with at least one of their sons.
Reality: Denial.
End result: We plan to sit down with them and ask some hard questions and push for answers, including papers. They can revoke these powers after the move if they wish, but for now at least, it would make paperwork and downpayments much easier.

We can't control their actions or attitudes.
We can control our own reactions.
We can work together, brothers and wives, to come up with a plan, but we can't control the parental units' reactions to it or their choices. Here's where the wisdom to know the difference will come in handy.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Jill said...

I dread the time when I might have to go through this with my parents or the ILs. I hope everything works out for the best!

8/17/2008 7:45 PM  
Blogger Florinda said...

It so often comes down to the "knowing the difference" part.

My sister and I are probably going to have to take up this topic with our dad before too long...and our parents have long experience with denial.

Good luck with this. It's good that your husband and his brother can deal with it together, I think.

8/17/2008 7:50 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

This is the EXACT same story that "Ora" and her brother faced a couple of years ago. You should talk to her about it.

8/17/2008 9:43 PM  

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